Tag Archives: grad school

Applying, Guest Posts, Uncategorized

Chaos Before This Black Girl Does Grad School

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Often times I am asked why I’m applying to graduate school. That’s followed with questions about my area of study and, upon me explaining it, most ask why I’m choosing to study fine arts. And I appreciate the concern. Making money is a requirement in the game of life. However, there is a seemingly huge contrast between income and studying the arts, you know, music, film, and writing.

A lot of my family and friends ask me, “what do you plan to do with that?” and ‘that,’ being a Master’s of Fine Arts. If they catch me on a good day, when I’m not being stubbornly sarcastic, I tell them that I plan to write, with all of me.

Many people frown upon a fine arts degree as if it’s worthless or something to study just to pass the time. And that may be true for some, but I am an individual who is fully invested in my craft. We don’t ask the pre-law student or the student studying pharmaceuticals, “what do you plan to do with that?” And it should be no different with a student studying arts. Granted, the road may be a bit harder or longer to achieve my dream but I don’t belittle the steps in reaching it.

It’s been almost three years since I completed my undergraduate career and the thought of pursuing a degree again is daunting. So, a little encouragement from my loved ones wouldn’t hurt. The specific school I’m applying to wants a passing GRE test score, a statement of intent and a 30-page sample of my writing that will blow them away. I’ve had the honor of studying for a test that I probably won’t use again in my professional career or life, and writing a paper pleading with admissions to let me in. Sound familiar?

Yup, applying to grad school is just like applying to undergrad except you already have a degree and probably loads of experience in your specific field of study.

I juggle a fulltime job, two part time jobs, a social life, and family relationships with hours of studying, days of blogging consistently and desperately trying to get a freelance writing career afloat. But in the end, I know my choice will pay off.

Like many black women, I have lofty dreams of going back to school, getting a degree or two, making more money, etc. however many of us are intimidated by the application; not to mention the internal conflict of not being smart enough or not having enough time to follow through. This explains why many of us quite soon or never start at all. There’s a part in me that still wonders if I still got it. Its been a while since I had to research and write papers on a deadline so I’m wondering if I still got the juice! But before I can even begin classes though, I have to be accepted. The school I’m applying to is pretty prestigious, given the amount of application materials they require of me, so the acceptance or rejection thing is a big deal.

And to make things worst, I can’t find out if I got in until three months after I submit my application, like people, at least give me a little hope. I have to twiddle my thumbs from February until May. Honestly, in grad school I have to get over my fears: fear of not being enough or being too much. There are plenty more things to lend my emotions to and fear isn’t one of them.

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Shanisha is a passionate writer and soon-to-be grad student. She writes over at Honestly Me where she promotes transparency among women of color.

Coursework, Mental Health, Ravynn: Act 2, Ravynn: Act 2, Scene 1, Uncategorized

Week 14, or Believing in the Path

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A friend called me yesterday and wanted advice about grad school– finding programs, applying, doing the work, staying sane, etc.

A part of me thought, I am probably the least qualified person to give him any advice, and another part thought, This is probably a good moment to think critically about my grad school experience so far. It was a bad moment to ask me because this past week I’ve been walking around with my disdain for grad school coming to a boil. I contemplated quitting. I was told by a different friend that if one of us quits, both of us quit– and she’s not quitting.

If we’re being real, a little bit of everything is getting to me. I’m lonely; I feel isolated in my pursuits; and I have a nagging feeling that at least one of my professors thinks I don’t know what’s going on. There’s a part of me that wants to give into this nagging fear and accept that I don’t know, but there’s a fighting part that is disgusted with myself for believing myself to be stupid for even one moment. I find myself walking that strange tightrope in grad school of trying to speak up so as to be heard and not speak too much, because speaking too much can come off as self-indulgent and not speaking seems to imply ignorance. Still, I want to make a space for myself, I want to be heard, I want to be seen, almost as much as I want to just be still and listen because there’s so much I have to learn.

My friend then asked me for a general piece of advice about grad school. After a beat, I told him to know when to sit down. Know when to get off your soapbox and listen. Keep your ears and mind wide open. But you also have to know how to stand up for yourself. Know when to fight back, know when to lay down your arms. Fight the good fight, but protect your energy. My dwindling energy tells me I’m not taking my own advice. I’m fighting, but not protecting myself. Despite having been worthy of admission, I still feel like I’m fighting to prove that I belong in this Academic space.

After an hour long conversation which explored every way I felt hindered, I started to feel a weight settle on my soul. If I was this unhappy, I had to ask myself– why am I still here? Why am I still doing this?

Ultimately, my answer is the same as it’s always been: I want to be a Black professor. I want undergraduates to have more Black professors. I want Black people to represented in the Academy. I want to be proof that you can be whatever you want to be. I never got my 40 acres and a mule, so I’ll happily take my free education from the state of Virginia instead, an education that worked hard for. I want to teach. In my mind, very few things are more political than helping shape young minds. And I don’t want to teach my students to regurgitate what I’ve taught them– I want to teach them to think critically and for themselves, so they can make the final call on what to take with them when they leave my class. I never want to stop learning– I have too many questions. I love the idea of getting to spend my life in a career where I will be constantly inspired to explore intellectually– and to write about the process and results.

I’m still doing this because I believe this path was meant for me.

Sometimes, I think I just need to remind myself of that.

Coursework, Guest Posts, Uncategorized

Grad School 1 – Leah 1, Part One

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These last few weeks of Grad School have been…. challenging. I had a few projects that required more time than I dedicated and unfortunately, I paid for it. Luckily, we can resubmit assignments in this course (awesome!!!) so once I took the time to get it together, I exceeded requirements *insert know the girl emoji.*

Projects 4 and 5 were the worst assignments. The first was an excel project and although l am pretty moderate with excel, this assignment was definitely doing too much. The overall goal was to do a quantitative analysis – meaning gathering or recognizing data, performing mathematical calculations and interpreting what the numerical values meant. After totaling data, it had to be graphed, then analyzed, then manipulated. Finally, we had to write a summary, about 1 page long about what all the data meant. My professor did give us the data, so it was not hard to gather, but interpreting the data was a struggle. I scored a “meets performance requirements” aka a B and gave myself a pat on the back.

While I thought Project 5 would be easier, I wasn’t completely wrong and wasn’t completely right so you do the math, lol.  It was a paper, which is more my forte so I thought it wouldn’t take me long. The paper was a critical thinking assignment. We were asked to examine a case study  and decide what the company should do regarding the incident. At first glance, I thought it would be simple, but didn’t take into account how long it would take to evaluate the case. Getting started with this paper was the hardest part. So, after brainstorming and scratching it out ideas for about 2 hours, I decided to take a break. At the same time, my Dad called and I saw it as an opportunity to use his analytical mathematical skills for help. I emailed him the case study and within minutes, he had pretty much analyzed the whole case. I was amazed at how he was able help so quickly when I was stumped for awhile. In a matter of hours, I wrote the paper, edited the paper, sent it to both parents and a friend for revisions, and submitted it. Yesterday, I checked the grade and I passed with another “B”.

Shoutout to my Mom and Dad for helping a sister out!!!!

Now, we are beginning our final project and it’s a GROUP PROJECT. I am indifferent about group projects– if the class calls for it, okay, but if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too. But group projects online… that’s a new one. We have just begun week one.. and let’s just say, it’s been pretty productive, but also pretty interesting. The project is due mid-December and afterwards, I will have officially completed my first semester of grad school *insert happy dance.*

Stay Tuned… The Game Ain’t Over Yet!